Halrloprillalar   prillalar@gmail.com   http://prillalar.com/

September 19, 1998

RATING: PG.

FANDOM/SPOILERS: X-Files. No spoilers.

SUMMARY: Filk of 50 Ways to Leave Your Lover.

DISTRIBUTION: Archive anywhere. Email forwarding allowed.

DISCLAIMER: CC, 1013, Fox, Paul Simon, not me.

NOTES: If you've not seen it before, CD stands for "character
death."


50 WAYS TO MURDER MULDER
by Halrloprillalar - prillalar@gmail.com

"The problem is all inside your plot,"
She said to me.
"A good idea
Won't require a PhD.
I'd like to help you make this thing
Fait accompli.
There must be fifty ways
To murder Mulder."

She said "I rarely think I ought
To give advice,
But in this case you need some help
To craft a plot device.
I hope that you'll consider my suggestions
Once or twice.
There must be fifty ways
To murder Mulder--
Fifty ways to murder Mulder."

Just stick a knife in his back, Jack.
Hire a hit man, Stan.
Use any old ploy, Roy.
Just write that CD.
Run him down with a bus, Gus.
There's no real need to fuss much.
One sting from the bee, Lee,
And you've got a CD.

She said, "It grieves me so
To see him still alive.
I wish that you'd do something
To ensure he won't survive."
I said, "It sounds intriguing
And would you help contrive
Some of the fifty ways..."

She said, "I'm sure that this was
All an oversight
And you'll decide to snuff him
When it's down in black and white."
And then the feedback made me realise 
She probably was right.
There must be fifty ways
To murder Mulder--
Fifty ways to murder Mulder.

Push him down an abyss, Chris.
Poison him with a prawn, John.
Grind him up into mince, Vince.
Just write that CD.
Lace his seeds with cayenne, Glen.
Cast him into the flames, James.
Make that man walk the plank, Frank,
And you've got your CD.

F I N I S

Halrloprillalar   prillalar@gmail.com   http://prillalar.com/