Jack and Daniel were in love. It was a love born of comradeship, a love forged from shared danger, a love sprung from mutual respect. Also, neither of them had wives anymore.
Their love didn't affect their working relationship, though. Of course they left little love notes in each other's lockers now. And called each other pet names in the briefing room. And had sex in the showers. But other than that, things were exactly the same.
Today, Jack and Daniel and Sam and Teal'c were on a mission. It was a very dangerous mission where they had to pretend that they were cooperating with the local government in order to get access to some naquadah. But really they were trying to track down a Goa'uld who was supposed to be in charge of the planet and poison him with some specially prepared chocolates. Since their position was so delicate, they were on alert at every moment.
Except right now, of course, since they were on a break. "Let's have sex," Daniel said.
"Okay, Sweet Potato," Jack said. Sweet Potato was Jack's special pet name for Daniel. Jack loved sweet potatoes and Jack loved Daniel so it was a logical choice.
They sat down on the guest room bed and started to kiss. Being on alien planets always made Daniel really horny, so Jack tried to schedule as many missions as possible.
After kissing for about ten minutes, they took all their clothes off. They lay down on the bed and kissed some more. Jack always liked the silky feel of Daniel's skin against his own. After seven minutes of naked kissing, Jack was ready to have sex. "Turn over, Danny," he said, and grabbed the condoms and lubricant from his kit bag.
"Nuh-uh," Daniel said.
Jack was so surprised he dropped the condoms and they fell on the floor. Why didn't Daniel want to turn over? They always used the same position! Jack wasn't sure he would be able to do it right if they tried a different one.
"It's your turn to turn over," Daniel added.
Jack was so surprised he dropped the lube and it rolled under the bed. Maybe he hadn't heard Daniel correctly.
"What did you say?" Jack asked.
"I said it's your turn to turn over."
Jack was so surprised he fell off the bed. Ever since he and Daniel had fallen in love, he had been the one on top. Jack had always wanted to protect the willowy scientist and keep him safe from the dangers of the world, of every world they visited. Also space. Stuffing Daniel's ass was the symbol of that tender care.
"But Sweet Potato," Jack said, as he climbed back onto the bed, after picking up the condoms and lube. "I'm top, remember? Because I'm the tough one."
"You used to be the tough one," Daniel said. "But now I'm tougher than you, so I get to top you."
That was just ridiculous. Daniel, tough? He was an academic. He was frail and delicate!
"See?" Daniel said and flexed his biceps.
Jack fell off the bed again. It was true: Daniel was buff now. How had Jack missed that? When did his cute little Sweet Potato become this bulked-up piece of beefcake?
"I've been working out," Daniel said. "Because I wanted to fuck you."
Jack stayed on the floor for a minute while he thought quickly. He didn't actually want to get fucked. Taking it up the ass was okay for a girly school geek like Daniel, but not for a macho soldier like Jack. So even if Daniel was now all muscular and butch, Jack had to stay on top.
"I'm still taller than you," Jack said. "So I'm still on top."
"That doesn't matter," Daniel said.
"Also I'm older."
What was wrong with Daniel? Weren't scientists supposed to listen to logic? "Maybe you're tougher than you were," Jack said, "but that doesn't mean you're tougher than me."
"I guess we'll just have to see about that," Daniel said. "I'll wrestle you for it."
That didn't seem like such a good idea to Jack. Because if Daniel actually won the wrestling match, not that he would, of course Jack would win, but just in case, then Jack would be in a very vulnerable position. "How about we arm-wrestle instead?"
Daniel thought for a minute. "I guess that would be okay."
They sat down at the table and had the arm wrestle. Jack tried as hard as he could, but Daniel forced his arm down bit by bit. "Oh my god, a big obelisk with inscriptions in Ancient has just appeared!" Jack yelled out. Daniel turned around to look and Jack pushed his hand down against the table.
"That's cheating!" Daniel said.
"I guess it was just a trick of the light," Jack said.
"Let's see who can lift the most weight," Daniel said. He went over the couch and picked it up easily.
"Ha!" Jack said. "I can lift more than that." He put both their packs and a small marble statue onto the couch. Then he lifted it. He thought his knees were going to buckle, but he held it for ten seconds.
"That's nothing," Daniel said. He added another statue and a doorstop to the couch and hoisted it up.
Jack started to sweat. There was no way he was going to be able to beat that. He had to do something. So he jumped onto the couch and it crashed to the floor.
"Aargh," Daniel yelled. "I could have broken my leg, you know."
"Sorry, lovebug," Jack said. "I thought you could handle it."
"Let's just wrestle," Daniel said. "Unless you're scared."
"Never!" Jack figured he was going to have to go through with it. "It's just that my black-ops training makes it hard for me not to kill someone when I fight hand-to-hand."
"I'll take that chance," Daniel said. They started to circle each other. Jack looked for an opening. He'd have to lunge and take Daniel down all at once. Even though he hardly even felt like having sex any more.
The door opened and Teal'c looked in. "Daniel Jackson, Colonel O'Neill," he said. "Is something the matter? All the noise is disturbing my kel'no'reem. Also, you both seem to be naked."
"It's nothing," Jack said.
"Jack won't let me fuck him," Daniel said. "Even though I'm tougher than him now."
"I'm still taller," Jack muttered. "And older."
"You mean you decide your sexual roles based on physical superiority or seniority?"
"I believe I can assist you with that," Teal'c said. And he took off his shirt.
About an hour later, the door opened again. "The mission is complete, sir," Sam said. "The Goa'uld ate the chocolates and...oh my god."
"Major Carter," Teal'c said. "Why don't you join us?"
"Sure," she said.
Thank god, Jack thought. At least he'd get to fuck someone today.
Sam dropped her pack on the table and rummaged through it. "Good thing I brought my strap-on."
Jack started to cry.