I was glad to fly against the planet killer.
When they brought the news of Alderaan, I couldn't take it in, not the whole of it. Realisation came in small pieces, like chunks of rubble. My mother was dead. My father was dead. That would do to go on with.
I thought about what they might have been doing when it happened -- my father in his garden, perhaps, my mother in her office. Visiting neighbours. Sleeping. Sleeping is how I picture them.
The house was gone. My room. The things I always said I'd come back for and my mother always threatened to throw out. A house fire could have done that and killed my family too. That would have been huge -- catastrophic -- but on a scale I could understand.
When the planet killer died, I had my goggles off. I watched the explosion and it dazzled me so that I almost couldn't see -- they had to talk me in. An hour later, I could still see the brightness when I closed my eyes. I should have looked away.
Sisu was gone. My next door neighbour, childhood friend, first lover. I still wear a ring she gave me on a thong around my neck. Dead, and her young son too. He always called me uncle, though sometimes I wondered if I was more than that.
We flew against the planet killer and I couldn't think about them then, just of my job. My friends were dead on Alderaan and my friends blew up around me and maybe I had friends aboard that thing when it went. But I survived, nearly blind and so heartbroken that I laughed.
We all laughed and hugged and slapped each other's backs, those who remained. And in the centre of the swirl was the Kid Who Saved the Day, the Youthful Hero. Just like the books I used to read when I was young. He fit the part, too -- blond, boyish, bright-eyed and bushy-tailed. But there was more -- a cool head in a tense situation, a skill for piloting that was nearly instinctual, a spark of something. Something that drew my eye to him.
We had a party, of course, a celebration, wake, release of tension. All those things. We deserved it. A few drinks gone, I prowled the room, in and out of knots of people, looking for him, but never finding him.
Suddenly I thought: the fish are dead. The fish in the pool in the centre square of my hometown are dead. And Alderaan came crashing down around me and I knew that it was gone.
I went outside to breathe the night air. And there he was, staring out at the horizon. It seemed like a good idea, so I joined him and we stood there for a while, feeling the planet spin beneath our feet. The night was cool but the air was warm between us.
After a few minutes, he turned to me. "Wedge," he said, "you saved my life."
Maybe I had, I didn't remember any more. "You saved us all."
He didn't answer, but he smiled, brilliant, bright, blinding. It filled my vision and I took his shoulder -- ten seconds more and I would have been upon him, but his smuggler friend came out and pulled him back inside. I stared into the dark and thought about the fish and saw his smile.
That was weeks ago. When I close my eyes, I see it still. I should have looked away.
FINIS
Ili @ February 15, 2004
I like this. I love the way the Death Star's destruction and Luke's smile are connected, and I really like the ending. Good job.