Mulder put down the phone and smiled. "Got a hot tip, Scully. I'm going to meet Krycek tonight and see if I can...beat some information out of him."
"Mulder, what are you doing? That man is evil."
"But Scully, I like him. He's sweet." Mulder's hand stole up to his cheek as a dreamy look glazed over his eyes.
"I just don't understand why you don't settle down with Skinner, Mulder. I know he'd like to and he's so stable and nice." Scully stood up and walked over to Mulder's desk. "You're a hero, Mulder, and Krycek is a villain. The hero does not fuck the villain."
"I'm just following Deep Throat's advice. Remember? 'Always keep your friends close but keep your enemies closer.'"
"With a name like Deep Throat he'd have to know." Scully leaned over the desk. "Mulder, you don't give a damn about a man's morals, just so long as he's gay and horny."
"Why all this hostility, Scully?" Mulder stood up. "Are you projecting onto me? Something wrong with you and Holly?"
"Mulder, I..." Scully stopped a moment, swallowed, and tried again. "Mulder, there's something you should know. I'm heterosexual."
Mulder's head snapped back like he'd been slapped. "But Scully, what about those assignations with Holly in the supply room?"
"That was just to get new pencils."
"How did you get accepted by the FBI if you're het?" Mulder's gaze darted to the picture of JEH hanging on the office wall.
"They never asked about my sexual orientation. This is hard for me, Mulder, but there's more." A faint blush crept over Scully's cheeks.
Mulder put his hand out toward Scully, but dropped it before he touched her. "Go on, Scully."
"Mulder, I love you. I'm in love with you."
Mulder's eyes widened and he took a step backward.
"Oh, Mulder, I know I'll never be able to express that in a physical way, but I just had to tell you." Scully's eyes shone with tears, but she wouldn't let them fall.
"Uh, Scully, I'm sorry, but I just don't feel that way about you. You're my best friend, but we're...of opposite genders. I know Kinsey says about half of college-educated people have at least one opposite-sex erotic encounter sometime after puberty, but I've done that already." Mulder eased around the desk and patted Scully awkwardly on the shoulder. "I have to go. I need to stop at the drugstore before I meet Krycek."
And he was gone, not quite slamming the door behind him.
Scully walked around the desk and slumped into Mulder's chair. That had not gone well. She hadn't expected Mulder to profess his undying love for her, but nor had she expected his heterophobia.
Dammit, she was never going to get laid. Idly she flipped through Krycek's file, which Mulder had left open in his haste to be gone. Wait, there was a recent entry. Krycek and Marita?
Scully picked up the phone and hit the command to connect her with the last caller.
"The meeting place has changed," she said. "Tell him to be at Denny's at 7 PM." She replaced the phone and smiled to herself.
Things were looking up.
FINIS